US Embassy Trip #1

Dr Boris came this morning to evaluate the boys. The reason is to make sure that the boys do not bring in any infectious diseases to the US. He evaluated Calvin first and then Silas. Consistent with Calvin wanting ALL the attention, he kept butting in when the Dr Boris was evaluating Silas. Tyler had to pull Calvin over to the side and hold him. I hope Calvin understands that he cannot be the center of attention at all times very soon. Dr Boris said that both boys do not have any infectious diseases, which we already knew.

Later this morning, Tyler went on a wild goose chase to submit our documents to the US Embassy here in Moscow. There is only a one hour window wherein you can submit your documents. Everywhere he went they told him to go somewhere else. He ended up in the right place and was able to submit the documents with 2 minutes to spare. It was a close call and we feel blessed that it worked out in the end.

While Tyler was gone to the US Embassy, I took the advice of my mom and spent a few minutes focusing on Calvin and then switched to Silas. Right after I switched to Silas, Calvin was right there in my face wanting my attention. I told him that it was Silas' turn and that he would have to wait. He pouted and whined, but seemed to get the picture, especially after I switched back to him and he realized that Mama's time needed to be shared between the boys. After about 30 minutes of this, Calvin began to do things to garner negative attention. I guess he figured that if he couldn't have any of my attention - when I was loving on Silas - that he would start banging the wall or hitting the dresser to shift my focus to him. This was frustrating, as I was making every effort of "being there" with both boys when it was their turn. The one thing that I didn't implement this morning was to establish a TIMEOUT for the Calvin. Later on, we had to put both Silas and Calvin in TIMEOUT - which consisted of them standing with their face to the wall for a minute or so. My brother-in-law, Yury (from Belarus, said that that is how they typically discipline the children in Russia. Both boys seemed to know what to do, as though it had happened to them before, and they didn't like it but they did do it and we will continue to do TIMEOUTs with them this way.

Calvin occasionally begins to laugh really loudly and seems to be out of control. I am not sure if this is just from the stress of the BIG CHANGES in his life or if I'm possibly seeing some ADHD or potentially some RAD. I'm not sure. Only time will tell. He reminds me some of how Iryna behaves, but he has more control than she does. Perhaps he is just really excited about being with us.

I am so happy that I can cook now! I've made hash browns and eggs and for dinner we had a cheese souffle and corn. The stove and oven are gas. Tyler had to light the oven so I could make the souffle. I take things like this for granted in the states - I don't have to light anything myself there. Calvin eats everything that I give him. Silas eats slowly and doesn't always finish. Silas also doesn't like to drink much. I have to encourage him to drink the water over and over. Calvin will drink anything I give him.


So much of our day revolves around playing with the toys, eating meals, and watching Baby Einstein - the boys LOVE it. And I like it, too. It promotes calm playing and I'm a fan of that. We've been in the apartment for 24 hours and the boys are getting antsy, but they are doing fairly well with being cooped up. I saw one show on the tv called FUNNY ENGLISH, which promotes the children to learn English. I put on one Baby Einstein that has nursery rhymes in foreign languages, including Russia. I was watching the video with the children and they were sort of all over the room. And then a woman starting counting in Russia. Both of their heads swung right to the screen and they watched intently until she had counted to 20. I think it will be hard and even scary for them when they get to the states and no one is speaking Russian to them anymore. Calvin has only heard Russian for 5 years. It will be an adjustment.

Eggs and hashbrowns are a hit!

Brown eyed boy!

Blue eyed boy!

See that thumb? That is a very common place to find it. :)

Reality of adoption

Today was a reminder of the reality of adoption. I can spend lots of time telling you all of the GOOD and WONDERFUL things about international adoption. If you've been reading this blog then you will know how much I love children and how I've been blessed by the miracle that is international adoption. But it's only fair that you know the downsides, too. One word: baggage. Every adopted child has baggage. They could be termed "healthy" or "special needs" and they will still have baggage. If you grew up with your mama loving on you and rocking you and feeding you and comforting you, then you are so very blessed! These poor orphans cry and no one comforts them, they rock themselves to sleep, they rely upon whatever food is given them, and affection is extremely lacking. I have watched Silas rock himself to sleep everyday for his nap and then again at bedtime. It breaks my heart. He is also very scared at times, such as when I change his diaper - YES, we decided that he is definitely not potty trained so we picked up some diapers from the store - he gets scared and starts sucking his thumb to calm himself - another self soothing action. I really don't know why he is scared to have his diaper changed. Everything seems to be in order down there...He is also afraid of cars, which is ironic because the one thing he says 90% of the time is "Beep Beep" - which is his word for "Car." (it's SO adorable, too, with his little voice). When he rode in the car from the orphanage to the hotel, he freaked out, sucked on his thumb, and promptly went to sleep.

This is a good segway into today's main event: riding in a taxi from Nizhny Novgorod to Moscow. The whole thing took about 8 hours, due to 3 car accidents that we saw and road construction, not to mention 3 toilet stops. And then add in that Silas cried for 4+ hours of the drive. He did really well for the first two hours and then was tired of the carseat. I think he also wanted to sleep but couldn't do it sitting up. After 2 hours of crying, I took him out of the carseat and rocked him. The whole time I was praying that we would be safe and that we wouldn't get pulled over by the police, sent to jail, and deported, etc, you know how your mind jumps to conclusions...anyhow, it was just what Silas needed. He went right to sleep and then the rest of the 4 hours of the drive consisted of him going to sleep, being put back in the carseat, he sleeps for a bit, begins to cry, continues to cry, then I take him out and the pattern repeats itself. I was a basketcase by the time we arrived (finally!) to our rented apartment in Moscow. There's just something about sitting by a screaming baby that has an overwhelmed effect on you...And to top it all off, Calvin threw up in the van. I have no idea why, perhaps motion sickness? His health has been fine, so it was a surprise to all of us. At least it happened right as we arrived, so we didn't have to smell it the whole way. I felt bad for the taxi driver, who was very nice to us.

It was a bit chaotic when we arrived. The taxi driver pulled up in between two apartment buildings and said we were here. Where, exactly?! So we had to unload 4 suitcases + 4 bags of groceries/snacks + two boys + coats/hats/scarves and take them into the apartment. Thankfully, the cleaning lady was in the apartment waiting for us so she could watch the boys while we brought it all up.

By the time we got to the apartment, paid the rent and sent the cleaning lady on her way, I was exhausted. I had nothing left to give. I didn't want to do anything and I cried a few times. I know that part of it was due to listening to my sweet boy cry for 4 hours and not being able to comfort him and for the stress of Calvin throwing up and the stress of everything costing money and and and...I just wanted some downtime. Tyler went out to get some groceries - I was eager to make something more REAL for dinner instead of pringles and cookies and water - our taxi drive fare. It was in this state that I prayed for help. I said that I didn't think I could show affection right now, that I was spent. I facebooked a status which stated my hard day and prayed for support to come from my friends there. And then, I started seeing some of Calvin's baggage.

For the most part, Calvin does beautifully with Silas. They play and laugh together. But, Calvin is already in that tattling role. If Silas steps out of line at all, Calvin is right there telling me about it. It also seems that Calvin is trying to make up for the past 5 years of not having a doting mama. This is completely natural, I know. I am happy to fill the role of his mama and am excited about having him as my son, but I cannot give him ALL of my attention ALL of the time. He is frequently looking for me to pay attention to every little thing that he does. He colors one little star on the page and has me look at it. Then he colors the second star and has me look at it. Then the third. Then the fourth. You get the idea.

Tyler has noticed that Calvin goes to the restroom an insane amount of times per day. I thought it was because he had an overactive bladder or something. But Tyler remembered that the first time Calvin went to the restroom, we praised him. So now he goes all the time - to be praised. At least he isn't doing negative things for attention (yet!) but this has to stop. I cannot give him all the attention that he craves and when we get home there will be 5 children who ALL want mama.

Anyhow, I noticed these issues with Calvin and I was somehow able to pull it together and be there for him. We had some snuggle time, which he initially didn't want, but after time he was able to calm down and make eye contact with me - this is key in establishing attachment. The idea is that adopted children do not think that they are worthwhile - because no one has validated them - so they avoid making eye contact, almost in a shameful way. As you spend time with them, making eye contact when possible and smiling at them while doing so, they begin to trust you and realize that they are important. I also sing to them and rock them, which is good for healing. This is what we did with the twins and it was hugely successful. Our family therapist, Melody, saved us during our Ukrainian adoption and what we learned from her will help with our current one.

We have SO many positive things going on with these two boys. We couldn't have imagined a more smooth transition for Calvin and Silas. They get along so well. And healing is already taking place with them. Today for the first time, Calvin cried. I think the whole leaving the orphanage and joining our family finally hit him. He has been so excited for so long and now I think he's dealing with the pain of change and perhaps trauma from past experiences. I feel like for the first time I have an adopted child that I can learn the pain from his past. Both Iryna and Keith don't remember the orphanage and Silas is so young - but Calvin is 5 and I hope that when he can speak English that we can discuss what he remembers.

Silas is really coming out of his shell. He is saying lots of words - I assume they are Russian - and is coming up to us a lot for affection. That is one area that I feel confident as a mama - I can give plenty of hugs and kisses and snuggles and tickles. I am good at it and I know that affection heals hearts.

Okay, I think I'm rambling now, as it's 11:06pm and it's been quite an emotional day. Let's see what pictures I have to post:

Saying goodbye to Sveta. This was tough. I got emotional when she left and I am sad that I don't know when/if I'll ever see her again. I invited her to visit us in the states and hope she'll take me up on the offer. :)

Getting ready to pack up our things at the hotel. The boys loved playing with our empty water bottles.

Poor Silas cried a LOT today in the taxi.

Calvin took a 2 hour nap! :)

Some snuggle time. I so love this man.

We noticed this Mercedes van today and realized that they don't sell Mercedes vans in the US - at least, we haven't seen them. Tyler thinks that the reason is because Mercedes is viewed as a luxury car and a van might ruin that image. Thoughts?

Cabin Fever

I think we are experiencing a bit of cabin fever here. I wonder if the boys think that this will be their forever home at the hotel Ibis! Thankfully, we are leaving for Moscow tomorrow and will be in an apartment for the rest of our stay in Russia. I am eager to cook again and some more space would be nice, too.

The boys are doing well together. They seem happy and are forging a brotherly bond. Last night was Silas' first shower. You could say that he hated it. Screaming, crying, thumb sucking. Poor baby! Sveta said that his only form of bathing was banya, which is basically a sauna. I showered with him this morning and he still hated it, but I think he tolerated it better because he knew what to expect.

We are told that Silas wears underwear, but I don't know that he has the whole concept of potty training down. I guess the caretakers put him on the potty before and after every meal. So he doesn't ask to go, they just put him there frequently. When we picked Silas up from the orphanage, he had a diaper on plus a pair of underwear over it, and they said they put him in a diaper when he travels so if he gets excited he won't soil his pants. Today we had him in a diaper and we have been discussing how to proceed. He ended up pooping in the diaper, which was fine, but since then I have put him in underwear and on the potty several times and nothing. In fact, he starts sucking his thumb and has this worried look when I take him in to the bathroom. It makes me wonder if he is at all toilet trained or if he doesn't like that the toilets are different here in the hotel. Time will tell, I guess. -since I began this post, Silas woke up from his nap and we put him on the toilet where he peed two drops. We praised him over and over and then two minutes later he emptied his bladder on the floor. Nice. Back to the potty we went. I hope he catches on soon.

Calvin had soft bowels yesterday several times. We were concerned that he was becoming dehydrated, but he drank plenty of water and ate well. Sveta and her husband, Nicolas (an MD), came over to check on him last night. They gave him some Imodium and said he should be fine. After they left, Tyler gave Calvin a priesthood blessing that said he would recover soon. Calvin has done better today, with more solid bowels today.

Food has been more on the snack agenda. For lunch we had yogurt and cheese and crackers. Earlier we introduced the boys to Pringles and they were instantly hooked. I can't emphasize enough how much I am looking forward to cooking and baking again. But the SPAR pizza is pretty good. :)

Silas in underwear - let the potty training continue...begin?


Calvin holding a coveted Pringles chip (we're currently out of them).


Silas eating Pringles chips, broken into smaller pieces.








Our suitcase, er, toy box.


Big brown eyes!








Calvin likes to put all the toys in this bag and drag the bag around the room. This is a daily occurrence.











Love this picture!


Calvin kissing Silas. So cute.





When Silas was waking up from his nap. So sweet.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

We have Silas!

We have had a great bonding time with Calvin. Our first day together has been wonderful! He slept well last night and we enjoyed the morning together. Calvin is very affectionate with us and is trying to please us and communicate with us. He goes to the bathroom very frequently and it's diarrhea mostly. I am trying to give him fluids and yogurt to help him stay hydrated. He doesn't act sick, and many children don't when they actually are, so it could be a bug (he did throw up in the car yesterday) or a food allergy, stress, maybe this is normal for him? I don't know. he also has a dry cough. I wonder if the orphanage had a humidifier on? I know that it's very dry here in Russia, but he never coughed when we saw him in the orphanage.



Rolling the ball with Papa.


Snow!

















In light of Calvin's cough/diarrhea, I stayed at the hotel with him while Tyler went to get Silas. The director said that for the past month, Silas has been going to the door and window looking for us. This surprised me as I didn't think he would miss us much when we were gone. Tyler said that they dressed him and he came right up to him and let him hold him. He LOVES his shoes - they light up when he walks. Tyler said that everyone was infatuated with his shoes. I guess they don't have them here in Russia.


















Silas was excited to be with his Papa, but he was afraid to get in the car. He started sucking his thumb and self soothing himself. By the time they reached the hotel, he was asleep. He worked up quite a sweat, too!




Calvin is really good with Silas. He is kind to him and shares a lot. Calvin does try to get my attention frequently, also. I understand and I try to be able to give him plenty of my time and love. To be perfectly honest, I formed a stronger bond with Calvin than Silas during our time here in Russia. I am eager to develop that same closeness with Silas, too. And I can't exactly explain that to Calvin. So wish me luck!















New brothers!















Nap time!






I was so sad to see Silas rocking himself to sleep today. It makes me cry to see such a sweet baby boy lacking in individual love from his mother. I hope to be able to fill that void in his life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad